I am 4 different women in a month. I have been a sex-crazed maniac, I have wanted soft, long loving and touching, I have been indifferent, taking long to excite, and finally I have been completely uninterested by love and intimacy. My vagina is the conductor and most of the time I dance to her tune.
My partner is a man. 5 years older than me, very different to me in all the visual ways. We have been together for many years and plan to be together for many more. It has been 2 years of no contraceptives, no artificial hormones, freedom , occasional worry and honesty. We have found ourselves insecure, confused and excited, and completely blown away by my natural, happy , free vagina that we share.
I chose to stop taking the pill over a year ago. I chose to use the rhythm method over 6 months ago. My lover quietly and calmly agreed to all of my choices, supported my every move, made sure to help me record every temperature change, discharge difference and breast sensitivity. He has been here, willing, afraid, open, listening and learning.
We are learning how to navigate this new, free, completely natural vagina. Both of us are learning how to treat her, how to look after her, how to hold, stroke, cuddle, lick, massage, and love her. It has been a bumpy ride, dotted with moments of panic and frustration.
Because of societal norms such as the pill, the patch, the implant, the so on and so forth, women in heterosexual relationships do not often learn to trust, look after, and love their natural cycles and rhythms. We put our bodies on these false systems and learn to expect our vagina to work like a machine.
Before this period in my life, I had no idea that there were so many different types of orgasm. I had no idea that at some points in the month a tongue here or a finger there could make my world spin so fast that I would have to hold on to anything my limbs could find. At other times in the month, the same touch would leave me pissed off and looking into this man’s face as if he were a stranger who knew nothing about me.
Sometimes all it takes is a kiss on the nipple other days I want to punch him in the face if he touches my nipples. I have no idea how to record these feelings, to be honest I have not tried to but do not see how it would work. Let me know if you have a sex mood chart and how it has been going for you.
Learning more about my own body and how it responds to me and this other masculine body has taught me that time and days and dates are fluid and can not and do not mean anything to my cycle. I don’t work on what society deems a healthy cycle. If I am stressed or eat badly or am tired, everything gets thrown upside-down. Learning this about myself has allowed me to apply this to everything in my life. I have found freedom in my relationship and in my career as a freelance artist and psychology student.
My rhythms and cycles and wants and tastes and desires and fantasies will never fit or look like what society calls ‘normal’. No magazine or movie or book can tell me what my body is ‘supposed’ to do. Only I can know. Only you can know. I have been lucky enough to meet a human being who was brave enough to take my hand and learn alongside me.
As a woman, I think that my partner is the bravest man in the universe. The world has told him since he existed, that everything was for him. He has been told by society that he can have whatever he wants and that it will be easy for him. Women will act like this when you do that. Life will be like this when you do this. He has been told his whole life, that all he has to do is, “Be.”
Now here I am cracking his skull demanding that he step out of his patriarchy and listen to my vagina, a space that patriarchy has always said he would be King of. Here I am telling this man, “You will never be king, you will always be a guest here!” He is the most amazing guest anyone could ever wish for. Helpful, attentive, careful, strong, loving, sensitive, aggressive but most importantly mine.
Society doesn’t allow men to feel like they don’t know what they are doing. So women fake orgasms and smile sweetly when they are angry-as-fuck on the inside, with an orgasm knocking on the door and no-one there to let it out. It is only a confident man that can stand next to a real woman and acknowledge that some days he has no idea what to do with her vagina.
It is only a confident man that can stand next to a woman and know that her exploration of herself will and can only make her more knowledgeable and therefore a better lover. It is not an easy journey. There have been many tears and fights and fears. But there has also been the most wonderful sex both penetrative and not. Men need to step up or step out of the way.
Most of us don’t know how to accept it yet, but I truly believe that GOD is found in a woman’s vagina. That right there is my truth. Good luck with your heterosexual vagina relations.