Give Me a Break

Wine. We talk about drinking wine

We talk about drinking wine so casually. As if consuming alcohol is a kind of self-medication or therapy. We joke about how stressful life is and how we wish we could open a bottle of wine for breakfast (oh, maybe that’s just me).  What I am getting at is how comfortable and almost expected it is for one to drink.

We drink to relax, we drink to begin conversations, we drink to make friends and more commonly we drink to alleviate the overwhelming pressure and dread that hangs like a cloud over anyone who spends time on social media ( or just generally in any first world setting).

I noticed a change in myself recently. I found myself enjoying a glass of wine at the end of the day. By Wednesday it was a glass or two of wine and by Friday it was half a bottle sometimes more with friends or my lover.

No matter how much we tell ourselves that is it ok, everyone else is doing it. In my mind, it is still alcoholism. Alcoholism needs to be addressed. I suppose any form of coping mechanism needs to be addressed.

This brings me to my blog entry topic. Natural, experimental substances. I will be careful not to name anything as I fear I might be type-cast, judged and cast out. This is what we do to things that have not yet become normalised. Being an alcohol-dependent adult used to be bad, now because most of society is alcohol dependent we have shifted our frame of reference.

I am not one to ‘use’ substances. I ‘dabble’ in experiences and have always believed that to be able to discuss, argue or disagree with something, one needs to have had some exposure or experience of it. So let me confess to DABBLING in natural, experimental substances. I am very careful to say natural. I’m not about to go and casually try some methamphetamines of ‘tik’. No, don’t get me wrong. Natural, experimental substances of the earth.

As the end of the year swiftly gallops towards me I have found myself feeling more and more overwhelmed by the speed and cost of life. The reality and nature of violence in society makes me want to hide from sight and the lack of mental and social support in most communities is devastatingly obvious when looking at the high levels of dependent youth and adults in our country.

Life is tough right now. There was a moment a while back where I was so exhausted that I was sure I would have a break down at any moment. To avoid drowning I dabbled in natural, experimental substances for a while. It felt good, life slowed down, I relaxed, properly relaxed. I was happy and nothing could penetrate my cloud.

In my state I had time to think about myself and look at myself in the mirror and ask myself if this was where I wanted to be. My answer was no. No, I do not want to be living this fast. No, I do not want to be hustling, working 3 different jobs just to be able to educate myself. No, I do not want to be looking over my shoulder whenever I leave my home to make sure I won’t be mugged, raped or cat-called. No, I do not want to be this tired. No I do not want this to be my reality.

Many, actually most, of us are taking something or another to cope, be it wine, sleeping pills, coffee, or any other substance. We are all suffering in some way or another. Why are we doing it to ourselves? Are we not the people who shape a society? Are we not the society? Why are we encouraging this lifestyle of fast-stop, fast-go, fast-yes, fast-no?

I do not support any kind of substance dependence yet here I am finding myself needing a break more often than not. This lifestyle is not good for me. Is it good for you?

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