Overwhelmed

It is September, the year has almost disappeared and, to be honest, I’m not sure when it passed through me. My head has been everywhere and nowhere at the same time for most of 2016. What is life if I can’t even hold onto the lessons it gives to me? Everything is so fast and furious. I never get time to be slow and weak.

Overwhelmed: My thesaurus tells me that this means to be buried by or drown under a huge mass. My thesaurus is spot on. I am being buried by and drowning in information. Relevant, important but too much. Yes, I believe that there can be too much important information.

I am one of a small group,  growing in numbers, who wants to know. I want to know who is corrupt, who is racist, who is sexist, who  is bombing who, what country is killing for profit, what government is pillaging, what open happy, smiling faces is cutting corners . I want to know. But with knowing, with knowledge comes responsibility. Responsibility is heavy. Heavier than the darkest rain cloud.

Often, far too often this year, I have been tired. There is too much. I can not and should not be this tired. It comes from all angles, from my pocket, from my skin, from my vagina,  from my hair, from the language on my tongue, from the outside, from the inside. It comes in, this weight, the burden of knowing.

I have decided to  change. I am learning how to change the way I take knowledge in and how I let it out. I am learning how to change how I digest it and where I allow it to sit once I have fed on in. I am learning how to change how I utilised it. Does it sit next to my heart or will I let it rest in the balls of my feet where it can work to propel me ever forward. I am learning.

Last week I went with my partner to watch a movie called Noma at the Labia. I had no idea what the movie was about before I watched it. All I knew was that I needed to get dressed and ready to go by 5pm. R 99 for 2 half pizzas at Diva Cafe and 2 movie tickets at the Labia. R 99 for dinner and a movie for 2. I could not believe the bill.

The pizza was delicious, the staff at Diva were friendly and welcoming. The movie was spellbinding. I was warned prior that I would cry. I did not. Noma’s story was told in such a honest pure way that it gave me time to digest the sounds, words and images and allow the meaning to pass through my senses into my intestines to be used to add meat to my bones.

Cape Town is festering with racial tension, South Africa and the world, is riddled with diseased minds that are incapable of altering or transcribing information. There are so many of us who are overwhelmed by the abundance of information in the world right now, so rather than drown, we switch off and assume, stereotype and judge.

Thank you to The Labia and the Diva Cafe for creating a partnership that made space for the digestion of good food, wine and honest storytelling. I had the space and the freedom to learn, love, feel and really understand. Yes, knowledge is power, but power is also a burden. Choose your power wisely. Pizza, wine and a movie seems like a pretty easy way to empower yourself. It was for me.

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