For Christmas last year, I got given a Rampant Rabbit. It’s not the kind of gift that one puts under a Chrismas tree.No. I was more than happy to open it on my own away from the eyes of my lover’s parents and siblings.
My Rampant Rabbit had a history even before it belonged to me, even before it was made or designed. Sex toys are so terribly misunderstood. By men and by women alike.
It took a year for me to explain to my lover, who happens to be male, that this rabbit would not and could not take over from him. I could not and would not fall in love with it. It took me a year to explain that this battery operated device could not imitate or simulate anything other than what it was. It took a year for him to understand that he was still the king of my castle.
I have come to understand that most, or many men are nervous of vibrators and dildos for precisely that reason. They worry that we will fall in love with the machine and no longer have a need for the flesh. They worry that we will not longer have a need for their flesh, the way they feel against our skins, the way they listen or hold us. to me, this fear is ridiculous, but I do understand where it might come from. The same place where all fears come from, a lack of knowledge.
To my absolute horror, I learned a few days ago, via a WhatsApp group-chat with some of my girlfriends, that they too were nervous for exactly the same reason. They worried that using toys would make sex with a man or a woman less appealing. WOW. We had been talking about our weekends and what we had done. Let me set the scene.
We had been talking about our weekends and what we had done. Let me set the scene.
We were sending voice notes, all of us playing Rihanna’s Work, in the background of our respective homes. One of us making dinner, one braiding hair, I was packing laundry. All of us giggling like 12-year-olds. Then from nowhere, “…..but then don’t you feel like it’s boring when you actually have sex?”
Now, the first thought that popped into my head was. Are you crazy!? But then I realised that the question was coming from a place where there was a lack of knowledge and experience. I can not answer that question for anyone. I can only suggest that you buy a rampant rabbit and answer that for yourself.
Personally, I have always found that having sex and masturbating leads to a more healthy sex life. Healthy sex life = happy Thola. should not be something dirty and secret.
Some how, somewhere sex and masturbation became something dirty and secretive. Obviously it can be private and intimate, that is something that you choose. It is incredibly liberating to learn that you can have just as much fun on your own as you can when you are with another person.
The conservative, patriarchal society that we live in, in South Africa is paralysing and stifling. Why am I not able to walk into a sex shop that is proud to be a sex shop? Why are there no sex shops in Malls? Why is everything hidden away behind covered glass and blacked-out doors?
Everyone voted for H&M to come to South Africa. I vote for Ann Summers to come.
Ann Summers is a classy, affordable sex shop that sells underwear and outfits and creams and foods and toys. Anything and everything to do with sex. It is an open, clean, people-friendly store that one finds in most malls and cities and towns. All of the stores has huge glass walls and bright lights like any Woolworths or Checkers store does here. You can’t help but want to go in and have a look around.
I was in England for Christmas. that’s where I got my rabbit,that is where Ann summers is. Come on South Africa let’s go shopping . When I went in to choose my rabbit there were so many other couples doing exactly the same thing, choosing Christmas gifts that would never make it to the tree.