Dear Mr Sperm,
I think that I am correct in assuming that you are one of the only living things on the planet that has only one purpose and function. You lie there in your warm cosy sack with your millions of friends and when the time is right you swim as fast as you can in one direction.
Humankind, men and women have been around for a really long time. To be fair to you, we have evolved very slowly. I understand your argument. I get that you were designed for one reason, to keep us going. To keep humans on the planet. Yes, I get it, that is an important job, but hear me out.
Casual sex has been happening since the beginning of humans. The first humans maybe didn’t talk about it but they did it. A quick look on the Internet tells me that casual sex started in the early 1900, lies.
Human beings are so beautiful, in most parts of the world people started off naked. You can’t tell me that if you were living in your little warm sack back then that you wouldn’t want to be swimming all over those naked bodies?!
Yes, so my point is. Why have you not evolved? Your design is archaic and will soon be left out, cut out or destroyed. You need to change before we, women, decide to make a fuss. Take this as a heads up. I am 26, almost 27 and I, for the very first time in my life am experiencing true sexual freedom.
You are right, that is not your fault, but it definitely has a lot to do with you. The structure of the entire world is built on the understandings, wants and needs of men.
I looked at you and all of your friends in the end of a condom last night and I thought how insignificant you actually are. At first I thought shame, I have stopped you from living your legacy, but then I felt nothing, tied the top of the condom, laughed and threw you and your friends away.
You see Mr Sperm, everything that you are, makes me aware that I am a grenade waiting to be un-stopped. From the time of puberty all the way through until menopause, women will worry about falling pregnant or if not worry, at least be alert to the fact that they can. Is this sexual freedom?
I wanted and want freedom. Women deserve freedom. True freedom like men have. No pills, coils, injections or barriers. Men decided that women would have to do something so that you Mr Sperm, could still swim with your friends whenever you wanted to. God forbid we ask a man to stop you from swimming with your friends.
Why have you not evolved? Why is it that you can not lie dormant while we have our fun and games and then, when I choose, you can swim with your friends in the race of a life time. Why not?
Everything around you has changed. The world has changed considerably. You, Mr sperm, are like a living dinosaur. Yes, to me, your function seems that old. Here we are, having sex for fun, sex for dinner, breakfast, lunch. Sex for birthdays and weddings and funerals. You get it right? We like to have sex, humans I mean, me too, but here I mean humans.
So, Mr Sperm, here are your options, change or move out. I don’t mind you, but I do not particularly like you hanging out in my womb trying to make me pregnant and such.
For now I have made friends with condoms. They are my new-found best friends to be honest. I used to hate the idea but got over it as soon as I realised that this was the most female friendly option for me. No pills no, coils, no fuss, no hormones.
But, Mr Sperm, sadly condoms do not work for everyone. So the spotlight is back on you. In a perfect world you would be able to feel when my body is ovulating and then you would know to do your thing. You see, this way I could know my safe zones. Ideally it would show somehow, maybe a halo. A colourful little circle that hangs above men and women’s heads at the right time.
“Oh, you’re halo-ing, lets meet up again in a week.”
“My boyfriend and I are halo-ing so we’re not having sex.”
“My girlfriend and I are waiting to halo so that we can have a baby.”
Easy, fair, simple right?
If I were to pray to God for anything, I would pray tor this. Let’s evolve Mr Sperm.