I have a vagina, some others, you maybe, have a penis. Why can’t we, why don’t we, talk about it? I don’t mean jokes, crass comments, awkward innuendos and suggestive slurs. I mean real conversation. When you ask me how I am I tell you about myself, I tell you about my day, my week, my work, my family, my lover, my worries, my happiness. I tell you everything because you are my sisters and brothers and you are the ones I love and trust the most.
Why can I not tell you about my new toys, my moon cup, the diaphragm that I just ordered online. Why can we not discuss my last period and how wonderful it was for me to not have to use a tampon and how incredible my moon cup makes me feel, how connected I now feel to my body. How now for the first time in my life, I know that even though it may feel like it, I am not actually bleeding to death and that the amount of blood that leaves me really only is about a teaspoon or tablespoon full.
We can have these conversations, we should have these conversations. I was lucky enough to spend my Saturday with a group of wonderful brothers, sisters and lovers who did exactly that. It was a deliciously hot summers day, we were lazily stretched out in all our different sizes, shapes and colours around the communal pool. We were feasting on rice salads, pizza slices, strawberries and black berries. All of us kings and queens of their own bodies. And we spoke of penises and vaginas and periods and testicles and sex and porn and sperm and spit. There is no education more powerful, more wonderful, more successful than friends.
I was incredibly proud to learn that my brothers are the types of men that value the naked time shared between two bodies. They recognised that these moments were the most honest, terrifying and rewarding of ones life. No filters, not pretending, no one else to help you through, to make you feel a man, just you and all the most incredible things about yourself, alone with a woman, just as exposed.
There were so many questions and so many different answers. One that stuck with me was given to me by a black brother who shouted in exasperation, ” When all is decided and you are naked in front of him, and he in front of you, neither of you would, after all of the hard work it took to get there, walk away, put on your clothes and explain that actually, It’s too hairy, too small. You’re too fat, to skinny, too black, too white. No one will ever!!!! Not ever! ”
We concluded our afternoon sex education lesson by agreeing that communication is key, a known fact that few truly apply. Sex is so individual as each of our bodies and minds and wishes and wants and needs, talk about it, ask about things, support each other. Allow your mind to be schooled allow yourself to school others. Ego ruines sex! Allow your ego to slide off with your underwear. Letting someone teach you something in the bedroom can be incredibly sexy for both or all evolved
I am not a sex therapist, all that I know I have learned from experience and conversation. There is still so much that my sisters, brothers and lovers can teach me. What I say, I will never claim to be fact, all I can tell you is what helps me and what others have said helped them. Start the sex revolution. Let us make love beautiful rather than brutal. I love my vagina and I absolutely adore my lovers penis. To my brothers and sisters I hope that you can learn to lover yours too.